Sorry its been so long

Well it has been quite a long time since I last blogged. I don't even remember when it last was, so I am very sorry for that. Life is going really well for me right now. I am living in New Hampshire with my old youth pastor and two other college girls. I am glad I have them for friends, they are quite wonderful, both of them are 21. I am learning more and more from my pastor. she also is quite wonderful. :)

As for other stuff going on in my life;
I am listening to God.
I think I finally have a plan, but I guess we will find out if this is what God has for me.
Guatemala was amazing BTW. I couldn't of asked for a better time. I know I was supposed to blog while I was there but I couldn't bring my laptop. I learned so much from the people there and God really showed me that long term this is what I should be doing. God is calling me to the field of the world. What better life could I ask for then sharing the word of God to the world, meeting new people, going to new places, having new experiences everywhere. As for getting started on the dream, the goal, the plan, i am going to New Zealand in December or January. I will be staying for about a month. Then I was thinking that this next summer... not this one but next one, I can spend the summer back in Guatemala. I definitely know God is calling me to go back there. I don't know if anyone reads this or if any one cares but I enjoy writing what God is doing... oh and also this year after I enjoy a wonderful God filled summer at camp, I will be going back to Hampton to help start things at the corps, groups and just getting way involved. :)its going to be wonderful. :)

I guess until next time blogger buddies.

-Sammy G

What a Crayon Perhaps Hears...

Well this was the title of a 9th grade poem i wrote. but today its the title of my thoughts. i wonder as i sit next to the kids at preschool and color a picture with these old peeling crayons what they have heard for so long. Children laughing and crying. maybe they felt the anger when some young child needed to draw a picture to get out how hurt they were... i wonder if while i sit at home with my new crayons if they hear each tear as if it was a tidal wave when it hits the paper that i find myself drawing silly photos of me and ryan on. i wonder if it feels the amazement of a child when they first pick up a crayon and realize the power of wax and art. i wonder if it hears the inspirations that artist get by the way the crayon is being pressed against the paper. i cant help but wonder what it would be like to put that kind of color into the world. that kind of joy and that kind of release. things would be different. i would bring happiness to the lives around me. but i would want to be some exotic beautiful color that people searched and searched for because i was only in one box. that box would belong to a child. i would be there to hear them laugh and cry and maybe one day with there parents they would mend me into a nothing color melting me with some old crayons and some new beautiful crayons. and us crayons would share our memories of this child and we would all grow old together and then the crayon would be passed down. and we would relive each memory over and over like our life never ended, it would start new with each new owner. oh that would be the life. but i am human of course and now i sit here and wonder how can i bring joy and happiness to people of the world? can i be that ongoing emotional warrior... taking away the pain of people who are hurting around me and celebrating with them when they are happy? i will continue to ponder these thoughts for a while... i think Guatemala is a good start to be a crayon and make a difference.

Life is a Highway...

"Life is a highway and i'm gonna ride it all night long..." well life has certainly been a long "highway" these past few days. I cant lie and say i am not struggling with thing and ryan. i mean we just broke up and i love him more then i have ever loved anyone. i don't really know what to do... should i cut all communications with him? should i give love another chance? though i don't know what he wants to do either...i am at the end of the road... i feel as though i have driven to the end of the highway and i cant turn around. i am stuck where i am and i just need to get back home. i hate this more then anything in the world. i want to be with him so bad. this is driving me crazy... i thought i was going to marry him. what am i supposed to do now? help me!!!

January 1st 2010

Well this blog is a little different then my Love for Ryan blog and my old Sammy G blog. I am done with those and starting new. It has only been one day and already I am not sure exactly how I feel about this coming year. I, for the past 3 months, have been completely in love with a guy named Ryan, and well today it ended. I guess it was me. I don't know but this is my pact for the year: to stay single, to start a new life. I need to get things lined up with god and get things lined up with myself; Start a life for me, with school and a new job and new friends. I don't know where things went wrong with Ryan but I know there is no going back. I suppose whats done it done. Now don't get me wrong I do love him, and i wish things worked. I mean I have never loved anyone this much ever in my life. But maybe things were supposed to happen. I have been struggling with my relationship with Christ and maybe this is a way for me to really keep my attention on him. It is gonna be a struggle and it will be a process getting over Ryan but I can do it and hopefully I can find a good supporting group of friends to help me get through it. I know things are going to be different this year I just do. I know that things will get better. I was just saying to my friend today how I didn't think anything could top this past year I mean I graduated and had an amazing summer at camp and started a new great job and started a wonderful relationship with a guy I thought I was gonna marry, but I thing this is gonna be God this year. God working in me in ways I thought weren't possible. I guess this is what happens when you doubt his power. I think thats all I can think of. how powerful he is. I guess we will see what this year brings. Oh and a good portion of this blog will be me sharing how Guatemala is going because look at this god has already opened a door for sure. I cant wait to share all of this year with you. I plan to blog at least twice a week and that is me goal. Here we go 2010!